Couples have usually made the final decision to divorce before visiting a lawyer. Couples almost never change their minds. The acrimonious process causes couples to "burn their bridges" and makes reconciliation improbable.

Filing a complaint for a divorce upon the opposing spouse is usually completed prior to beginning negotiations about a possible settlement and is often a brutal surprise.

The couple discusses who will be the plaintiff and when and where the divorce papers will be served to minimize a party being upset. The papers are often served at a mediation session when both parties are present.

Contested hearings are held if negotiations fail, and may be used by attorneys to coerce a better settlement. Contested hearings are often harsh and expensive.

Most couples attempting settlement through the mediation process are able to avoid the cost, stress, and delay of acrimonious, contested proceedings.

In most cases the mediation process is quicker than the adversarial, as mediators generally meet with the couple frequently and there is no communication lag. 

Statistics show high levels of nonpayment of child and spousal support and frequent contempt hearings on issues of custody and visitation. These are costly emotionally and financially.

Research has shown high rates of compliance with mediated agreements, compared to compliance with adversarial decrees. Couples are more likely to abide by an order that they helped create.

The adversarial system is often criticized because of its increasingly high cost.

A mediated settlement is less costly than settlement through the adversarial process and certainly compared to contested litigation.

Since the outcome is the product of a competitive conflict-resolution process, it is viewed as a victory or defeat.

The outcome is a win-win solution that attempts to balance the needs of each spouse, through compromise.

All too often the children are placed in the middle of the struggle between parents--thereby making them pawns in that fight. The battle does not end with the end of the divorce. It often continues for years after it is concluded, to the lasting detriment of the children who are caught in the struggle.

It is not the divorce that will do lasting damage to the children, but rather how that divorce is accomplished and what relationship the parents have with their children after the divorce. Mediation helps children by maintaining a loving relationship between the parents and the children.